I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Randomize
