In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
