He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
