did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
