my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
