Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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