I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
