But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
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