I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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