This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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