Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Let's paint friendship bongs
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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