this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
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