Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
