fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
