I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
