ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Randomize
