is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
