I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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