I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
