Plan B is the new Plan A
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Randomize
