A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
