So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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