How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Randomize
