would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
My ATM looks so different sober.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
