Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
