so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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