But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
