I hate your face
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
