I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Randomize
