Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Randomize
