He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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