Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
