ya dads aren't the best wingmen
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
