Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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