So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
