2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Randomize
