i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I look better un-naked...
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
