When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Drunk is not a location!
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize