that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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