Can Purell be used as lube?
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
