Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
