My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
