hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
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