I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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