Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
