alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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