So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
