I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
