Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
