he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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