you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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