dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
