1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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