Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
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