they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
