You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Randomize
